Yes you read that right. If it sounds familiar to some of you that’s because it is. Since I started to carry on the When Guns Are Outlawed schtick from weaponsman I thought I would give this a try as well. Hopefully you all will tolerate my lesser imitation of another of Kevin’s regular weird news traditions and perhaps even enjoy it. If this is too much an affront to you please speak up in the comments. If you like it, please let me know in the comments.

NEWARK –

Sources say a man was killed in a fireworks accident in Newark overnight.

It happened at 168 Pacific St. Sources tell News 12 the 23-year-old man was holding the fireworks close to his chest when it blew up in his hand and caused internal injuries.

At 23 year old, I’m guessing booze had something to do with this. An urge to show off while drunk, friends around and likely the opposite sex mixed with explosives make for a deadly combination. Why he would be holding it close to his chest/face is anyone’s guess. One thing is for sure, He won’t make that mistake again. I doubt an M80 to that face did much for his complexion anyway.

Reports indicate it was an M-80, a powerful firework designed by the military to simulate explosives and gun fire.

Oh yes, the legendary M80. Infamous for its ability to maim or kill the careless or foolish. I have had occasion to set some of these off before and they are every bit as dangerous as their reputation indicates. I never heard the bit about being used by the .mil though. Perhaps a reader who knows about the simunitions used by the gubberment will let us know in the comments. My older brother would often bring various booby trap and artillery simulators home with him after his 2 weeks of national guard summer training and they did impress me with how powerful and honestly dangerous they were.

In New Jersey, only smaller fireworks like sparklers are legal.

When guns are outlawed.. Just shows that even in a state like NJ where nearly everything slightly dangerous is illegal. there are still ways for idiots to kill themselves.

The man’s identity hasn’t been released.

Fireworks. are still explosives and need to be treated with all the care you would use with any other dangerous thing. Mixed with booze and the urge to show off makes them a surefire way to potentially rearrange facial features.

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