THE bomb squad raced to an A&E after a patient arrived with an artillery shell stuck up his behind.

You know this is going to be good..

Army explosives experts were scrambled after medics feared the anti-tank round could be about to explode.

The unnamed patient told doctors he “slipped and fell” on the 17cm by 6cm armour-piercing projectile taken from his private arsenal of military collectables.

Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

It was later identified as being a World War Two 57mm shell that were typically fired from six-pounder anti-tank guns.

A source told The Sun: “The guy said he found the shell when he was having a clear out of his stuff.

“He said he put it on the floor then he slipped and fell on it — and it went up his a**e.

Good safety tip from this. Don’t set your Artillery shells on the floor while walking around naked. It may save your life someday.

“He was in a considerable amount of pain. I think he collected military memorabilia.”

His anus collected some military memorabilia that’s for sure.

Police said they responded to “a report that a patient had presented with a munition in his rectum”. There is something you don’t read everyday.

A spokesman added: “The item had been removed prior to police arrival and the Army’s Explosive Ordnance Disposal team were contacted.”

Troops from 11 Explosive Ordnance Disposal Regiment rushed to Gloucestershire Royal Hospital, in Gloucester.

A defence source said: “It was a solid shot round. It was a chunky, pointed lump of lead designed to rip through a tank’s armour.

“It was basically an inert lump of metal, so there was no risk to life — at least not to anyone else’s.” No word on the damage to his dignity.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16923295/bomb-squad-hospital-bottom-shell/